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Various things not to say when in bed.....

  • 1. But everybody looks funny naked!
  • 2. You woke me up for that?
  • 3. Did I mention the video camera?
  • 4. Do you smell something burning?
  • 6. Try breathing through your nose
  • 8. Is that a Medic-Alert Pendant?
  • 10. But whipped cream makes me break out...
  • 13. Can you please pass me the remote control?
  • 14. Do you accept Visa?
  • 16. On second thought, let's turn off the lights
  • 17. And to think- I was really trying to pick up your friend!
  • 20. Hope you're as good looking when I'm sober.
  • 21. (holding a banana) It's just a little trick I learned at the zoo!
  • 22. Do you get any premium movie channels?
  • 23. Try not to smear my make-up, will ya!
  • 28. I thought you had the keys to the handcuffs!
  • 29. I want a baby!
  • 30. So much for the fulfillment of sexual fantasies!
  • 31. (in a menage a trois) Why am I doing all the work?
  • 32. Maybe we should call Dr. Ruth.
  • 33. Did you know the ceiling needs painting?
  • 34. I think you have it on backwards.
  • 35. When is this supposed to feel good?
  • 36. Put that blender back in the kitchen where it belongs!
  • 37. You're good enough to do this for a living!
  • 38. Is that blood on the headboard?
  • 39. Did I remember to take my pill?
  • 40. Are you sure I don't know you from somewhere?
  • 42. That leak better be from the waterbed!
  • 43. I told you it wouldn't work without batteries!...
  • 46. If you quit smoking you might have more endurance.....
  • 47. No, really... I do this part better myself!
  • 49. This would be more fun with a few more people.
  • 50. You're almost as good as my ex!
  • 51. Do you know the definition of statutory rape?
  • 53. You look younger than you feel.
  • 56. They're not cracker crumbs, it's just a rash.
  • 57. Now I know why he/she dumped you.
  • 58. Does your husband own a sawed-off shotgun?
  • 60. What tampon?
  • 62. And to think, I didn't even have to buy you dinner!
  • 63. What are you planning to make for breakfast?
  • 65. I was so horny tonight I would have taken a duck home!
  • 66. Are those real or am I just behind the times?
  • 67. Were you by any chance repressed as a child?
  • 69. You'll still vote for me, won't you?
  • 74. A good plastic surgeon can take care of that in no time!
  • 75. Does this count as a date?
  • 76. Oprah Winfrey had a show about men like you!
  • 78. I think biting is romantic- don't you?
  • 80. When would you like to meet my parents?
  • 89. You could at least ACT like you're enjoying it!
  • 90. Petroleum jelly or no petroleum jelly, I said NO!
  • 92. I'll bet you didn't know I work for "The Enquirer".
  • 93. So that's why they call you Mr. Flash!
  • 94. My old girlfriend used to do it a LOT longer!
  • 95. Is this a sin too?
  • 96. I've slept with more women than Wilt Chamberlain!
  • 97. Hey, when is it going to be my friend's turn?
  • 98. Long kisses clog my sinuses.
  • 99. Please understand that I'm only doing this for a raise.
  • 100. How long do you plan to be "almost there"?

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Last modified on May 14, 2007.
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