Barjokes 101 pt_4
A Brief History Of Real Estate Agents
Remember these for those special times........
6 MILLION BC: God searches for a planet to establish life. Encounters real estate agent from "Lucifer's Planets & Gardens" who says "I've got a great deal on a fixer-upper just 90 million miles from the Sun."
5.9 MILLION BC: God buys the Earth and, after the closing, discovers it is a mass of molten goo. Angry, God confronts the agent and banishes him to spend eternity wearing polyester suits.
4 MILLION BC: God creates the ocean and the seas. By accident, a pool of pond scum transforms itself into the National Association of Realtors.
3.5 MILLION BC: God creates Florida.
3.49 MILLION BC: Thousands of real estate agents crawl out of the ocean to scout good condo locations. Market immediately crashes when agents realize that "snow birds" won't be invented for another 2 million years.
3 MILLION BC: A meteor crashes into Earth. The resulting crater creates a giant black hole filled with green ooze. The Multiple Listing Service is born.
2.45 MILLION BC: God makes Adam and Eve. However, delays in constructing Garden of Eden force Adam and Eve to live in an apartment eight months.
244 MILLION BC: Shopping for a move-up garden, Eve visits an Open Garden and encounters a fork-tongued real estate agent who tells her, "Garden, why would you want another one of those? I've got an entire apple orchard you can have real cheap."
243 MILLION BC: Adam and Eve become the first humans to truly understand what it means to buy from a real estate agent.
550 BC: Jealous of rising property values, real estate brokers in Greece devise a way to attack Troy by using a Trojan Horse.
42 BC: Cleopatra decides to build the Pyramids. Real estate agent and builder try to convince her that Squares would be much cheaper.
30 BC: Rome touted as "the hottest housing market in Europe" Thousands of buyers flock in to make deals with real estate agents. 29 BC: Rome real estate crashes. Julius Caesar calls a meeting of his advisors to see what can be done. Chief real estate broker Brutus suggests Caesar tour Rome to inspire consumer confidence. "Just lead the way," Brutus says, "I'll be right behind you."
500 AD: Middle ages bring major real estate slowdown. Agents are forced to take second jobs as undertakers. Scandal breaks out when agents are discovered to be removing gold fillings from dead people.
1308 AD: Real estate agent list a tower in Pisa, Italy as a "one of a kind property. Solid building guaranteed not to lean."
1492 AD: Christopher Columbus lands in America. However, he mistakenly believes he's in India, thanks to a bogus land survey provided by a Spanish real estate broker.
1620 AD: Pilgrims land on Plymouth Rock. First colonial real estate agent promises Pilgrims that Massachusetts is "always sunny and warm. Never drops below 70 I swear."
1621 AD: Giant blizzard nearly wipes out Pilgrims. Real estate agent is banished to New Jersey.1626 AD: Manhattan bought for 100 beads and trinkets from the Indians. The Indians' real estate agent takes 6 beads as a commission.
l803 AD: Napoleon shocks and angers French real estate agents when he sells Louisiana to United States without an agent. At 515 million, sets record for largest "FSBO" (for sale by owner) sale in history.
1867 AD: United States purchases Alaska from Russia for $2 an acre, after Russian Czar is given advice by real estate agent that Alaska is "utterly useless" land with no value at all.
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